David and Kelly Birthing Plan for Mercy Gilbert Hospital 10/7/2012We understand, if the fit hits the shan
we might need an altered plan.
But if we have it our way,
unnecessary people should be turned away.
There’s Tiffany the Midwife and daddy Dave,
Kelly’s the mom and the Nurses can stay.
Kelly prefers no IV, we’re shooting for drug free.
She prefers to run wild and roam free,
so please monitor intermittently.
Hot tub? birthing ball? dim the lights? and cue the song?
(Dave says “C’mon this sounds like an MTV hip hop song.”)
Kelly might push and Kelly might scream,
while Dad’s on camera, calm and serene.
Don’t cut the cord, till the pulsing is over.
When it comes to placenta, we’re bringing a cooler.
We brought a book for her footsies, so ink up those tootsies.
And Kelly’s breasts are like the finest silk,
no formula, no pacifier, baby just gets mom’s milk.